Silience

occasionally i drive with the windows down in the winter 

the bitter chill running through my car sends my body into a freeze that makes me feel ok and alive.

      more often than i’d like to admit, i take the long way home. i drive the bypass or take too many short cuts that my route ends up taking longer than it was ever meant to. i burn fuel like i spill my coffee (often and with little remorse) 

   but the truth is that in my car, i feel as if i have control. in my car, i feel safe. 

i feel that in those moments between my destinations, the ones that i choose to drag on longer than necessary, nothing else matters. 

   sometimes i feel like i can just drive my pain away, like enough miles will make the sadness in me dissipate. 

but then i remember, when that cold chill hits the hairs on my arm and makes them stand up, 

that things did used to suck, but now, 

i’m actually ok.